Thursday, August 31, 2006
It All Comes Around...
Almost a year ago, I was going thru a difficult time with a friend and her daughter. My daughter first introduced me to her new friend, N, and her Mother, C. Although C wasn't someone that I would probably spend too much time with, I liked her well enough. She had some life issues that I could relate to (unhappy marriage situations, money issues...) but others that I simply thought she was weird about. You know, typical relationships. Note: You will rarely find someone that you totally 100% love everything about them. Sorry if that sounds cynical but I just don't see it. We all have things that aren't everyones cup of tea.
So anyhoo, over several months, I would eat lunch with C and we'd talk. It seemed like C liked to dump on me more than listen to what I had to say. But since I don't rock the boat too much in my real life, I would just accept that it was C's personality and move forward.
Suddenly N and my daughter started having issues. N stated to her one day, when my daughter said that she'd just disappeared and they rarely got to speak anymore, "You know, we DO NOT have to spend 24 hours a day together." This made my daughter realize that SHE thought more of their friendship than N did so she backed away and found more powerful friendships to hold dear to her. Then once day I received a call from C. She was highly upset with my daughter (note to C: your daughter is not perfect) and said things had been going around the school about how my daughter was talking negative about hers. Look, kids are kids. God love 'em, things get said and done. We've all been there!! So needless to say, I was upset that C was taking this so personally and that she was pointing fingers instead of simply asking, as a parent, what had happened with our childrens relationship. Once again, it was all about C.
Fast forward 7-8 months... I see C and N occasionally. Met C and her current husband in Wally World one day and she made a point of saying hello, in a sarcastic way. I nodded, said hello and moved on. No time in my life for negative relationships anymore.
On Monday of this week, I went with my daughter to a meeting at a local restaurant with the teacher and students that are members of the law class at school. As I'm getting out, C drives by. Yes, she had dropped her daughter off, who is also in the same class. We enter the restaurant and I don't go out of my way to speak to really anyone because I'm just the parent and I tagged along with daughter. *laughing* I was only 1 of 2 parents that attended actually. We eat, N is sitting next to me across the aisle and I don't say anything to her. I notice she's looking at my several times (note: I've lost 70 pounds since I last saw them so I'm sure that was enough to make her look twice). We leave and nothing is said.
My daughter tells me today that N has attempted, since Monday, to get back in her life. I just find it sadly... ironic. My daughter is far from perfect. Bless her heart, she tries but she has learned the hard way that forgiving someone is not easy and she doesn't give you too many more chances to get back in her life. N blew several of those and she's just firm in not getting back into that negative atmosphere.
Part of me is happy that she is growing and learning. Part of me is sad that she has to go thru these type of choices already in her life.
Life is not about 1 person making all the decisions in your life. And yes, that includes yourself. Sure, I'd love to have all the answers and make all the decisions but ultimately, life doesn't work that way. However, there comes a time in your life when you realize that to stay healthy, happy and content, you must learn to get rid of the things that weigh you down and never look back. Make that decision and let the smaller ones slip by because we can't always control our destiny... we can only guide it.
So anyhoo, over several months, I would eat lunch with C and we'd talk. It seemed like C liked to dump on me more than listen to what I had to say. But since I don't rock the boat too much in my real life, I would just accept that it was C's personality and move forward.
Suddenly N and my daughter started having issues. N stated to her one day, when my daughter said that she'd just disappeared and they rarely got to speak anymore, "You know, we DO NOT have to spend 24 hours a day together." This made my daughter realize that SHE thought more of their friendship than N did so she backed away and found more powerful friendships to hold dear to her. Then once day I received a call from C. She was highly upset with my daughter (note to C: your daughter is not perfect) and said things had been going around the school about how my daughter was talking negative about hers. Look, kids are kids. God love 'em, things get said and done. We've all been there!! So needless to say, I was upset that C was taking this so personally and that she was pointing fingers instead of simply asking, as a parent, what had happened with our childrens relationship. Once again, it was all about C.
Fast forward 7-8 months... I see C and N occasionally. Met C and her current husband in Wally World one day and she made a point of saying hello, in a sarcastic way. I nodded, said hello and moved on. No time in my life for negative relationships anymore.
On Monday of this week, I went with my daughter to a meeting at a local restaurant with the teacher and students that are members of the law class at school. As I'm getting out, C drives by. Yes, she had dropped her daughter off, who is also in the same class. We enter the restaurant and I don't go out of my way to speak to really anyone because I'm just the parent and I tagged along with daughter. *laughing* I was only 1 of 2 parents that attended actually. We eat, N is sitting next to me across the aisle and I don't say anything to her. I notice she's looking at my several times (note: I've lost 70 pounds since I last saw them so I'm sure that was enough to make her look twice). We leave and nothing is said.
My daughter tells me today that N has attempted, since Monday, to get back in her life. I just find it sadly... ironic. My daughter is far from perfect. Bless her heart, she tries but she has learned the hard way that forgiving someone is not easy and she doesn't give you too many more chances to get back in her life. N blew several of those and she's just firm in not getting back into that negative atmosphere.
Part of me is happy that she is growing and learning. Part of me is sad that she has to go thru these type of choices already in her life.
Life is not about 1 person making all the decisions in your life. And yes, that includes yourself. Sure, I'd love to have all the answers and make all the decisions but ultimately, life doesn't work that way. However, there comes a time in your life when you realize that to stay healthy, happy and content, you must learn to get rid of the things that weigh you down and never look back. Make that decision and let the smaller ones slip by because we can't always control our destiny... we can only guide it.
# posted by Paula @ 5:43 AM 
