Thursday, August 31, 2006
It All Comes Around...
Almost a year ago, I was going thru a difficult time with a friend and her daughter. My daughter first introduced me to her new friend, N, and her Mother, C. Although C wasn't someone that I would probably spend too much time with, I liked her well enough. She had some life issues that I could relate to (unhappy marriage situations, money issues...) but others that I simply thought she was weird about. You know, typical relationships. Note: You will rarely find someone that you totally 100% love everything about them. Sorry if that sounds cynical but I just don't see it. We all have things that aren't everyones cup of tea.
So anyhoo, over several months, I would eat lunch with C and we'd talk. It seemed like C liked to dump on me more than listen to what I had to say. But since I don't rock the boat too much in my real life, I would just accept that it was C's personality and move forward.
Suddenly N and my daughter started having issues. N stated to her one day, when my daughter said that she'd just disappeared and they rarely got to speak anymore, "You know, we DO NOT have to spend 24 hours a day together." This made my daughter realize that SHE thought more of their friendship than N did so she backed away and found more powerful friendships to hold dear to her. Then once day I received a call from C. She was highly upset with my daughter (note to C: your daughter is not perfect) and said things had been going around the school about how my daughter was talking negative about hers. Look, kids are kids. God love 'em, things get said and done. We've all been there!! So needless to say, I was upset that C was taking this so personally and that she was pointing fingers instead of simply asking, as a parent, what had happened with our childrens relationship. Once again, it was all about C.
Fast forward 7-8 months... I see C and N occasionally. Met C and her current husband in Wally World one day and she made a point of saying hello, in a sarcastic way. I nodded, said hello and moved on. No time in my life for negative relationships anymore.
On Monday of this week, I went with my daughter to a meeting at a local restaurant with the teacher and students that are members of the law class at school. As I'm getting out, C drives by. Yes, she had dropped her daughter off, who is also in the same class. We enter the restaurant and I don't go out of my way to speak to really anyone because I'm just the parent and I tagged along with daughter. *laughing* I was only 1 of 2 parents that attended actually. We eat, N is sitting next to me across the aisle and I don't say anything to her. I notice she's looking at my several times (note: I've lost 70 pounds since I last saw them so I'm sure that was enough to make her look twice). We leave and nothing is said.
My daughter tells me today that N has attempted, since Monday, to get back in her life. I just find it sadly... ironic. My daughter is far from perfect. Bless her heart, she tries but she has learned the hard way that forgiving someone is not easy and she doesn't give you too many more chances to get back in her life. N blew several of those and she's just firm in not getting back into that negative atmosphere.
Part of me is happy that she is growing and learning. Part of me is sad that she has to go thru these type of choices already in her life.
Life is not about 1 person making all the decisions in your life. And yes, that includes yourself. Sure, I'd love to have all the answers and make all the decisions but ultimately, life doesn't work that way. However, there comes a time in your life when you realize that to stay healthy, happy and content, you must learn to get rid of the things that weigh you down and never look back. Make that decision and let the smaller ones slip by because we can't always control our destiny... we can only guide it.
So anyhoo, over several months, I would eat lunch with C and we'd talk. It seemed like C liked to dump on me more than listen to what I had to say. But since I don't rock the boat too much in my real life, I would just accept that it was C's personality and move forward.
Suddenly N and my daughter started having issues. N stated to her one day, when my daughter said that she'd just disappeared and they rarely got to speak anymore, "You know, we DO NOT have to spend 24 hours a day together." This made my daughter realize that SHE thought more of their friendship than N did so she backed away and found more powerful friendships to hold dear to her. Then once day I received a call from C. She was highly upset with my daughter (note to C: your daughter is not perfect) and said things had been going around the school about how my daughter was talking negative about hers. Look, kids are kids. God love 'em, things get said and done. We've all been there!! So needless to say, I was upset that C was taking this so personally and that she was pointing fingers instead of simply asking, as a parent, what had happened with our childrens relationship. Once again, it was all about C.
Fast forward 7-8 months... I see C and N occasionally. Met C and her current husband in Wally World one day and she made a point of saying hello, in a sarcastic way. I nodded, said hello and moved on. No time in my life for negative relationships anymore.
On Monday of this week, I went with my daughter to a meeting at a local restaurant with the teacher and students that are members of the law class at school. As I'm getting out, C drives by. Yes, she had dropped her daughter off, who is also in the same class. We enter the restaurant and I don't go out of my way to speak to really anyone because I'm just the parent and I tagged along with daughter. *laughing* I was only 1 of 2 parents that attended actually. We eat, N is sitting next to me across the aisle and I don't say anything to her. I notice she's looking at my several times (note: I've lost 70 pounds since I last saw them so I'm sure that was enough to make her look twice). We leave and nothing is said.
My daughter tells me today that N has attempted, since Monday, to get back in her life. I just find it sadly... ironic. My daughter is far from perfect. Bless her heart, she tries but she has learned the hard way that forgiving someone is not easy and she doesn't give you too many more chances to get back in her life. N blew several of those and she's just firm in not getting back into that negative atmosphere.
Part of me is happy that she is growing and learning. Part of me is sad that she has to go thru these type of choices already in her life.
Life is not about 1 person making all the decisions in your life. And yes, that includes yourself. Sure, I'd love to have all the answers and make all the decisions but ultimately, life doesn't work that way. However, there comes a time in your life when you realize that to stay healthy, happy and content, you must learn to get rid of the things that weigh you down and never look back. Make that decision and let the smaller ones slip by because we can't always control our destiny... we can only guide it.
It was the best of months... it was the worst of months...
August is almost gone. We can no longer relive August 2006 and I must say, GOOD RIDDANCE! *laughing* Although I'm excited to say I took contracts on three deals this month, I'm also quick to point out that one of those fizzled yesterday. The contract I wrote last week? gone. All over because of $3 an hour and a temporary 2 week job. But alas, I said I wasn't going to lose sleep over these clients and although I did last night, I won't anymore. *sheepish grin* If not today, then when? woman!
I'm under some stress this month (September). I have a huge debt that must be paid off by the middle of the month and I just can't see doing it. I've asked for an extension thru January 1st but they've done so well in ignoring me for the last two months that I doubt I'll even get a reply. Thankfully I will close on one property by the 15th and can pay 90% of the debt but that's not a complete payoff. So cross your fingers for me!
Struggling with my sons disabilities and school this week. I'm to a point where I think homeschooling might be the only answer that I have. And as much as I love him (today), I'm not sure that I can handle it.
It's that time of the morning... must get all lunches made, myself dressed and all of us out the door by 7:15. Here's to a fabulous "last day of August 2006"!
~ later
I'm under some stress this month (September). I have a huge debt that must be paid off by the middle of the month and I just can't see doing it. I've asked for an extension thru January 1st but they've done so well in ignoring me for the last two months that I doubt I'll even get a reply. Thankfully I will close on one property by the 15th and can pay 90% of the debt but that's not a complete payoff. So cross your fingers for me!
Struggling with my sons disabilities and school this week. I'm to a point where I think homeschooling might be the only answer that I have. And as much as I love him (today), I'm not sure that I can handle it.
It's that time of the morning... must get all lunches made, myself dressed and all of us out the door by 7:15. Here's to a fabulous "last day of August 2006"!
~ later
Monday, August 28, 2006
Life is what you make of it...
Oh sure, easy for me to say huh? I'm not ignorant, I assure you. I know that people are in situations that they just can't help but be in. Children are in violent homes, spouses are cheating... But I do believe that you can make more of life by making more of yourself.
That's why I decided to make some changes in my current situation. I'm tired of stressing over money. I'm tired of feeling like the household maid. I'm ready to challenge myself in ways that I've never challenged myself before. I want to achieve my goals and do it my way.
I'll be honest. My age is a big factor. I will be turning 39 in December. I don't want to sit back and wonder where my dreams went. I remember watching Oprah one day and she described her 40's as the best years of her life. THAT is what I want... to challange myself, be in a place that I've always dreamed of... It's time.
So where did this post come from? Obviously I've had it on my mind for some time but reading what my good friend jai wrote this morning made me really think. Why should we accept the things in our lives that aren't meant for us? Why do we sit back and take abuse of various forms (ignorant comments, uncaring attitudes, snideness and more)? We don't have to! We should be able to 1. accept others around us, even their faults 2. help others when help is needed but also 3. survive and prosper within ourselves without having to explain.
I've just decided to stay on track. I can't let others derail me. (( Like allowing my husband to make high calories meals and shove them in my face -- "oh, just one meal won't hurt" -- and watching the pounds come back )) I must look forward, not backwards.
Life IS what you make of it. Struggle, because you learn from that but get back on your feet and face towards your goals.
~ make life fantastic
That's why I decided to make some changes in my current situation. I'm tired of stressing over money. I'm tired of feeling like the household maid. I'm ready to challenge myself in ways that I've never challenged myself before. I want to achieve my goals and do it my way.
I'll be honest. My age is a big factor. I will be turning 39 in December. I don't want to sit back and wonder where my dreams went. I remember watching Oprah one day and she described her 40's as the best years of her life. THAT is what I want... to challange myself, be in a place that I've always dreamed of... It's time.
So where did this post come from? Obviously I've had it on my mind for some time but reading what my good friend jai wrote this morning made me really think. Why should we accept the things in our lives that aren't meant for us? Why do we sit back and take abuse of various forms (ignorant comments, uncaring attitudes, snideness and more)? We don't have to! We should be able to 1. accept others around us, even their faults 2. help others when help is needed but also 3. survive and prosper within ourselves without having to explain.
I've just decided to stay on track. I can't let others derail me. (( Like allowing my husband to make high calories meals and shove them in my face -- "oh, just one meal won't hurt" -- and watching the pounds come back )) I must look forward, not backwards.
Life IS what you make of it. Struggle, because you learn from that but get back on your feet and face towards your goals.
~ make life fantastic
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Whatta week, I tell ya!
It has certainly been a week. Thankfully, my business is picking up although I do have a deal that doesn't look like it will go thru. The contract I wrote up this past week? Well, my clients have decided they don't necessarily want it if they have to actually work to get it. Long story... too much for today. Let's just say that this system of buying a house is complicated and sometimes unfair -- for both sides. But I'm not going to lose sleep over it!
I've officially lost 70 pounds as of today. I'm in a bit of shock. Okay, more than a bit. Although I must admit to you that I don't FEEL like I've lost that much. I think it's because I still have 100 pounds to go... I don't feel that I'm in a healthy place yet. Once I lose 40 more pounds, I will feel it, I think. Right now I still "look" fat, which sometimes shocks me. I have people in the store that still give me the "oooo, a fat lady" look and I want to scream "BUT I'VE LOST 70 POUNDS!!!!!!!!" but they'd not understand. I was showing property yesterday that included a HUGE hill that we had to "slide" down and then climb up. I couldn't even talk halfway back up. And I'd been exercising that morning and feeling so much healthier! The client said, "Don't wory about talking. We'll talk when we get to the top of the hill." I gasped, "Fine. Thank God I lost 70 pounds this year or I'd not be able to finish the climb" He just gave me a look like "Um yeah, sure." *laughing*
Still not past the "help me clean" stage with my family. Hubby is sitting at the spare computer, working. Youngest child is behind me, playing the Playstation and oldest child is on her bed, watching tv. Middle child is still asleep. And I'm fixing to get up and clean. Bitch, Bitch, BITCH! HAHA It will take my DEMANDING help to get it at this point and I know it. I guess I'm just too tired to care.
Fairly busy week coming up. I have a client in from Florida that I will be showing property to on Tuesday. Just trying to get thru this week and move on to another I guess. Struggling financially and wondering if I will ever get caught up.
Daughter found out she was accepted into a private college in my area. Thrilled for her! Worried about paying the tuition. :( Always something!
~ Til then...
I've officially lost 70 pounds as of today. I'm in a bit of shock. Okay, more than a bit. Although I must admit to you that I don't FEEL like I've lost that much. I think it's because I still have 100 pounds to go... I don't feel that I'm in a healthy place yet. Once I lose 40 more pounds, I will feel it, I think. Right now I still "look" fat, which sometimes shocks me. I have people in the store that still give me the "oooo, a fat lady" look and I want to scream "BUT I'VE LOST 70 POUNDS!!!!!!!!" but they'd not understand. I was showing property yesterday that included a HUGE hill that we had to "slide" down and then climb up. I couldn't even talk halfway back up. And I'd been exercising that morning and feeling so much healthier! The client said, "Don't wory about talking. We'll talk when we get to the top of the hill." I gasped, "Fine. Thank God I lost 70 pounds this year or I'd not be able to finish the climb" He just gave me a look like "Um yeah, sure." *laughing*
Still not past the "help me clean" stage with my family. Hubby is sitting at the spare computer, working. Youngest child is behind me, playing the Playstation and oldest child is on her bed, watching tv. Middle child is still asleep. And I'm fixing to get up and clean. Bitch, Bitch, BITCH! HAHA It will take my DEMANDING help to get it at this point and I know it. I guess I'm just too tired to care.
Fairly busy week coming up. I have a client in from Florida that I will be showing property to on Tuesday. Just trying to get thru this week and move on to another I guess. Struggling financially and wondering if I will ever get caught up.
Daughter found out she was accepted into a private college in my area. Thrilled for her! Worried about paying the tuition. :( Always something!
~ Til then...
Thursday, August 24, 2006
And the fun begins...
Work: I actually wrote up a contract yesterday for some great clients of mine that have recently moved to my area from California. So I feel good that I've at least helped them to find their dream home. I am now sitting at my office, hoping to luck into more leads and trying to get my head together when it comes to getting my career on an upward swing.
Weight: I got on the scale this morning and I'm now at 250. I went to The House of Pain again last night, hurt most of the night with an achy body but it has been worth the pain. So anyhoo, I've had a total weightloss of 67 pounds, which is exciting.
Home: My house is cleaner but still not CLEAN. I've yet to convince my children that it would be of great help if they'd pick up after themselves. *laughing* This might be something I struggle with for awhile but I'm going to really hit on things this weekend. Weekends are just easier since everyone is home.
I feel good that I'm moving forward with my healthier living. I have eggplant to make for tonight and think I'll grill some Tilapia to go with that. Or a yummy veggie burger.... Mmmmm
Weight: I got on the scale this morning and I'm now at 250. I went to The House of Pain again last night, hurt most of the night with an achy body but it has been worth the pain. So anyhoo, I've had a total weightloss of 67 pounds, which is exciting.
Home: My house is cleaner but still not CLEAN. I've yet to convince my children that it would be of great help if they'd pick up after themselves. *laughing* This might be something I struggle with for awhile but I'm going to really hit on things this weekend. Weekends are just easier since everyone is home.
I feel good that I'm moving forward with my healthier living. I have eggplant to make for tonight and think I'll grill some Tilapia to go with that. Or a yummy veggie burger.... Mmmmm
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes
If not today, when? has been a phrase that I've loved since I heard it. I can honestly say that I was not the person that originated the phrase. :) But whoever did, thank you.
I've decided to start a blog in order to show my progress during a MAJOR life-changing time for me. I have many things going on and many goals that I want to accomplish by May 2007.
Why May 2007? First of all, it's the start of the summer, which is a time I always dreaded. I don't like heat. I hate wearing shorts and having to "uncover" and just never found it to be a pleasant time of the year. So what will make it different from the other summers I've experienced? First of all, I will be slimmer. Since January 2006, I have lost 65 pounds. I hope to lose another 80 more by May 1st, 2007. I will be very close to goal by this time and can actually enjoy having a slimmer body. (( Although I see surgery in my future to remove excess skin )) I will also be more financially independant and able to "go and do" more than I have in the past few summers. I think that by giving myself 8 months, I will be able to focus and achieve the things I've been dreaming about.
I'm a strong person in many ways but then again, I show lots of weakness. Yes, I know... don't we all! But sometimes I must admit to having a "dream of being strong" more than actually acting that way. I have become a shell of the person that I always wanted to be so I'm seeking a higher level of personal fulfillment.
So I will document my life from today to May 1st, 2007. You'll see the good, bad and downright ugly but isn't that what life is all about?
~ til then
I've decided to start a blog in order to show my progress during a MAJOR life-changing time for me. I have many things going on and many goals that I want to accomplish by May 2007.
Why May 2007? First of all, it's the start of the summer, which is a time I always dreaded. I don't like heat. I hate wearing shorts and having to "uncover" and just never found it to be a pleasant time of the year. So what will make it different from the other summers I've experienced? First of all, I will be slimmer. Since January 2006, I have lost 65 pounds. I hope to lose another 80 more by May 1st, 2007. I will be very close to goal by this time and can actually enjoy having a slimmer body. (( Although I see surgery in my future to remove excess skin )) I will also be more financially independant and able to "go and do" more than I have in the past few summers. I think that by giving myself 8 months, I will be able to focus and achieve the things I've been dreaming about.
I'm a strong person in many ways but then again, I show lots of weakness. Yes, I know... don't we all! But sometimes I must admit to having a "dream of being strong" more than actually acting that way. I have become a shell of the person that I always wanted to be so I'm seeking a higher level of personal fulfillment.
So I will document my life from today to May 1st, 2007. You'll see the good, bad and downright ugly but isn't that what life is all about?
~ til then
